Routine Mission My Ass
by Tonks32
Summary: Nothing was routine for the SG-1 and he had no clue what possessed him to actually say it. Bad luck and Murphy's Law always followed them through the gate. And this time was no different. No sooner did they re materialize on px something or other that all hell broke loose. T for the combat.
1. Chapter 1

Ffirst stargate story! Thanks to treva for being so long to look at this for me!

* * *

Routine mission, my ass! The moment the words were out of his mouth, Jack wished them back. Nothing was routine for SG-1 and he had no clue what possessed him to actually say it. Bad luck and Murphy's Law always followed them through the gate. And this time was no different. No sooner did they rematerialize on PX-something-or-other, than all hell broke loose. Blast from staff weapons greeted them, causing the team to scramble for cover. An explosion hit hard, knocking both airmen to the ground hard enough to knock the breath from them. Teal'c and Daniel were lucky enough to have escaped the blast. Chunks of earth and stone rained down on them, causing mass confusion amongst the foursome. Together Jack and Sam moved, both in sync thanks to their countless years of facing combat together, and took their positions alongside Teal'c and Daniel. Through the cloud of battle, Jack counted and swore. They were outnumbered.

"Carter." Jack turned to look at his 2IC and felt his heart jerk to a stop. Her entire left side was covered in blood. She had been hit with a staff blast to the shoulder, taking a nice size chunk with it. The subsequent explosion that had greeted them also wounded the Major. Shrapnel caught her left side, starting from her waist and going up to her neck and cheek. It amazed himhow none of it fazed the woman who stood her ground taking down their oncoming enemy. "Daniel grenade. Teal'c coverme."

Daniel looked up, momentarily confused, then took note of Sam's condition and paled in horror.

Sam cursed when she emptied her clip and struggled to free a new magazine from her vest. Her hands were covered in muck and some other thick substance making it extremely difficult to get a grip on one. "Sir." She turned and was surprised to find the man in question already at her side, his face grim. There was a nasty gash running over his forehead and the blood was mixing in with the dirt. There were several other small gashes from the shrapnel so the look he wore wasn't for himself. "What? Who'shurt?" Her mind immediately went to the man to her left, "Daniel – -"

Jack shook his head and watched as both realization and pain crossed the woman's face. He was quick to catch her to soften her landing. "Keep your eyes on me," he instructed, already digging out emergency medical supplies from his pack. He could only do so much. What Jack needed to do was to get Sam back through the gate and into Frasier's hands. "Just keep them open."

Sam squirmed under the tidal wave of pain her brain was now starting to register. "Use the field dressing," she started to ramble about what he should do, knowing damn well the Colonel was more than capable of tending to her without her instructing him.

Jack didn't stop her. In fact, he liked the sound of her voice because it meant that she was alive. "Don't look," he commanded when Sam tried to asses her situation. "Keep talking, Carter."

"Hard to –" Sam swallowed and swore she tasted the metallic tang of blood. This was not good. "Internal bleeding. Must have been from the blast."

"Just hang in there until we can get you back to Frasier." Jack cursed his trembling hands as he struggled to slow the bleeding. It was pouring from the Major's body out of the gaping woundin her shoulder. The shrapnel embedded in her body wasn't helping matters. "Stay with me, Carter. You will not die on me. I'll make it an order if I have to."

"One that I would like to follow," Sam whispered and watched his mouth twitch into a half-hearted smile. The sounds of battle were starting to die down and, with a quick look at her other two team mates, she concluded that they were emerging victorious.

"Good. That's good," Jack tried to keep fear from flooding his voice. He had to remain like the detached leader he wassupposed to be. He was, under no cirimstances, not suppose to act like a terrified man who was watching the woman he lovedbleed out. "Because I don't feel like breaking in a new scientist. Not after Jonas. Plus you can't die without me taking you fishing."

She looked like she wanted to laugh or smile but couldn't even manage anything as her face lost more color. Just as her eyes began to close, she was shaken hard and her eyes bounced back to the terrified face of her CO. "C'mon, maybe my replacement won't bore you with techno babble," Sam tried to joke.

"But I like your techno babble," Jack confessed and watched a surprised look cross her pale face. He recalled a few times that Daniel had kicked him under the table because he had started to smile that smile as he listened to one of her techno rants. "I won't pretend that I understand anything that you say. Plus I think you're the only person in the galaxy that has the patienceto explain things over and over again to me."

"I don't know. I think Daniel can give me a run for my money.You just don't have the same amount of patience with him as you do me."

"What can I say, I don't like the sound of his voice as much as I do yours." A grin flashed across his face, "Just don't tell him that or it will hurt his feelings."

"Heard that!" Daniel shouted over a spurt of gunfire.

"Don't make me laugh, sir," Sam softly begged, struggling to keep her eyes focused on her CO's face. Lines of worry were etched into the older man's face and she knew things were grim. Somewhere from her left she heard Teal'c call out an All Clear and found Daniel at her side. His face paled instantly. "Don't give me that look. I'm fine Daniel."

Jack grabbed Daniel by the shirt to make sure he had the man's full attention. "Get back to the DHD and get the doc. Daniel,listen to me!" he commanded when Daniel continued to stare at him wide eyed and full of fear for the uncertain fate of their team mate. "Carter needs you. Do you understand what I need you to do?"

"Yes." Daniel nodded and, once released, took off back to the DHD.

"Jack."

Upon hearing his first name from Sam, Jack looked down to see the woman's eyes clouded and unable to focus. His stomach turned at the site of the blood soaking her uniform and seeping into the ground below her. Her face was pale, bleeding from the shrapnel, plastered with dirt and the color of a sheet. "Right here, Carter. Daniel is on his way to get the doc, so just stay with me, ok."

She gave an absent nod. Her body was beginning to numb,leaving her incapable of stringing two thoughts together. The words left her mouth before she could try to stop herself, "What if I left the Air Force?"

The question took the Colonel by complete surprise and it just gave him the confirmation that Sam was slipping fast. He swallowed the lump of fear in his throat, "I would never ask you to do that," he whispered.

Dazed, Sam reached a hand to his face with words on the tip of her tongue. Jack didn't give her a chance to say them.

"Don't. Don't say it, not like this," Jack softly begged. Not on some god-forsaken planet, light years away from Earth. No he wouldn't allow them to confess their feelings for each other when they were on the verge of being parted by death, again.Jack brought a blood-soaked hand to cover hers that cupped his face so tenderly. "Don't leave, Sam." There was such desperation in his voice. No longer was he her CO. He was just simply the man who had loved her for years. "Please don't leave me."

"I can't –" A single tear escaped down her dirty face. Not for herself, but for the fact that she was leaving him when there was so much more meant for them. There was so much regret for things that they never did and now could never do. Duty had always come first, now look where it got them.

"You can't leave me." His own tears were brimming, but he refused to let them fall. Here she was, life slipping out of her, and she was sad for him. Carter, selfless as always. His free hand played with the tips of her blonde hair, "You can't, youhear me. I need you, Sam. Not just to explain things to me, or to laugh at my stupid jokes. I need you in my life. You don't understand that every day I look forward to one thing and that is seeing you. Seeing you laugh and smile, you know that one that lights up your eyes and is meant only for me. I live for those moments. They're what keeps me going. Keeps me sane. Sam,there is no life without you so you will hang on."

She looked at him, eyes full of tears and emotions that she couldn't find the words for. Her fingers flexed against his face,wanting to bask in his touch just one last time. "Jack."

"Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c spoke, breaking them out of their world, "Daniel Jackson has returned with Doctor Frasier and SG-4."

"Help is here." Jack should have let go of her hand. It wouldn't do Sam any good if any members of SG-4 saw them like this. There were already enough rumors going on about them already. But he couldn't let her go, terrified that if he did, she would just slip away. "So just keep your eyes open."

"I'm so tired, Jack," Sam confessed.

"I know." Jack's throat tightened, "Sam please. I need you."

"Colonel I need you to move," Janet warned, as she came sliding across the dirt to the Major's side.

Jack complied, but didn't release Sam's hand, now cradling it against his heart as if trying to sustain her life through his. "She was coherent until just a few moments ago."

"Hey Sam." Janet gave her best friend the best smile she could muster. It was really hard to be the Napoleonic dictator of a doctor, as Jack so referred to her, when seeing Sam in such a condition. "We're going to get you home, all right. Just stay with me. Keep talking to her," Janet assured Sam and commandedJack as she went to work to stabilize her patient.

Daniel came to assist Janet as Teal'c kept SG-4 at a distance to keep a safe perimeter around the gate. Jack struggled to block out Janet and Daniel and just simply focus on Sam. There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn't bring himself to say any of it. "How about them Broncos?"

Sam's mouth twitched as her gaze shifted to Janet. "Tell Cassie–"

The doctor's face paled. "Oh, no no no," Janet spoke as she worked with quick hands to slow the bleeding from her shoulder. Sam's face was bone white and her eyes were beginning to droop. Janet handed an IV bag to Daniel to hold as she pushed a needle into the Major's arm. "You promised her we would take her out to the lake, remember? We're goingcamping, sailing and telling embarrassing stories."

"So you can go to the lake with Frasier and Cassie, but can't come fishing with me?" Jack gave her a look of mock horror. "I see where I rate in your life, Carter." Sam let out a small chuckle and winced in pain. He tried to muster his best military voice, but failed miserably, "No giggling, Major."

"Sorry sir," Sam choked out. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, they slid shut as her hand went limp, trapped inside the Colonel's hands.

"Sam?" Jack's heart was in his throat. "Janet!"

The doctor went into overdrive. "Ok, we need to get her back now!" She started barking orders and other members of SG-4 began to help the doctor stabilize the wounded soldier so they could get her back through the gate.

0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o

"Jack?"

Jack didn't look up or acknowledge the General when he came into the observation room. He just continued to stare out from the observation room as Janet worked to keep Sam alive in the room below. Janet had kicked him out and Daniel had tried to get him to clean up, but Jack refused to leave. How long had it been since they came back through the gate? Ten minutes? Five? An hour? Time just seemed to cease as he watched the room below. Sam had flat lined once and Janet was now struggling to keep her from doing it a second time. She had lost a lot of blood. Hell, Jack's hands and BDUs were still covered in it.

Hammond frowned and silently closed the door behind him, "I sent a message to Jacob."

Jack closed his eyes at the news. How was he going to face Sam's father if she died? He was the CO. He was responsible for her well being and he failed. It was his fault that Sam was now lying in the infirmary fighting for her life. "If it was to get him to use the healing device, they won't make it in time. We know how the Tok'ra work. They do things on their own terms and for their own benefit. I don't think saving the life of a host'sdaughter –"

"Jack." Hammond sat down next to the shaken man truly at a loss for what to say. SG-1 has had its share of brushes with death and they had brought them closer – too close by military standards – but Hammond fought for them because their closeness was what made SG-1 so capable of doing their job. So when they faced the possibility of losing a member, it cut deep.

"We were ambushed the moment we stepped out of the gate. Carter didn't even know she was hit." Jack dropped his face into his blood-caked hands.

"You couldn't have known."

"If she doesn't make it –" Jack couldn't even finish the thought.

"Sam is a fighter, we both know that." Hammond's gaze shifted to the woman in question in the room they overlooked. The white sheets were soaked in blood, which also now pooled on the tile underneath the gurney. The staff blast had hit an artery, causing Janet and her team to work feverishly to replace the blood that the Major's body was releasing. They also weredoing their best to fish out the shrapnel from Sam's face and neck before it started to release toxins into her blood stream. Even if the Air Force officer pulled through, she could be carrying the scars of this brush with death for the rest of her life. "Listen, Teal'c and Daniel are standing outside waiting for your word if you need them. This isn't something you all have to go through alone."

Jack just silently nodded.

After another moment of silence, Hammond pushed to his feet and placed a hand on the Colonel's shoulder. It was no secret, well at least to him, that Jack felt for Sam a lot more then he was suppose to. Hammond hated the fact that Jack denied himself happiness because of something as stupid as regulations. After everything the Colonel had gone through in his life, he deserved to be happy. Of course, this wasn't the General speaking because if it was, then it would mean that he would have to court marshal two of his best officers. "Listen Jack," Hammond lowered his voice to make sure that Jack was the only one who could hear him. "Moments like this should be the time you listen to your heart not your head. SG-1 has a dangerous job and you've all made more sacrifices then any one should be ever asked to do. With your job, you don't know what you'll be walking into or if you'll be walking back home through the gate. If you love somebody and want to be with them, nothing should stand in your way. You don't know what will come tomorrow or if thereeven will be one."

Jack looked up at the older man with tears shining in his eyes before the General left the room. He caught site of his two male team mates and waved them inside. Hammond was right; they should wait this through like they did everything else. Together.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

An hour, five blood transfusions, and countless medical supplies later, Janet watched as a nurse wheeled a now stable Sam from the room. After a moment to collect herself, Janet looked up into the observation room where the rest of SG-1 waited in earnest for her to speak. "I was able to stop thebleeding and removed as much of the shrapnel I could. The next twenty-four hours are going to be touch and go." Janet informedthem, watching Jack's face fall even more. "Give the nurses a few minutes then you guys can sit with her. And then I will look over you three personally."

Daniel looked up when Jack all but bolted from the room, "One of us should go with him," he whispered to Teal'c. "To make sure he doesn't do anything stupid and maybe get him to change into some fresh clothes."

"I agree. Major Carter should not see that upon awakening," Teal'c spoke as he moved to stand. "I will go after Colonel O'Neill. It also appears that Doctor Frasier seems to be in great distress. Perhaps she would benefit from a visit from you."

Daniel raised a brow, causing Teal'c to do the same. How theJaffa knew about Daniel's developing feelings for the doctor he didn't know. But he nodded in agreement nonetheless because Janet was still standing, completely motionless, in the middle of the room in pools of her friend's blood. "I'll meet you in the infirmary."

Something snapped Janet out of her trance and she began tofeverishly pull off her bloody gloves. It was everywhere – her blood. Janet looked at her blood stained shoes and clothes and fought the urge to get sick. A part of her, the best friend, wanted to run from the room and find a nice dark place and cry her eyes out. But she knew she couldn't do that. Janet was a doctor and a military officer with a patient and a whole base that needed her.First thing she needed to do was find a change of clothes and then she needed to go check out the remaining members of SG-1, even if it was the last thing they wanted to do.

Daniel followed her down to her office and waited for her to change. Things between him and the doctor had shifted in the last few weeks from friends into something more. They had moved away from the doctor and patient relationship after their first year due to the fact it seemed Daniel was in the infirmary every week or so. After the death of his wife, it had been Janet who broke through his exterior to get him to talk. To get him to heal. It was also Janet who was helping him adjust to being back after his ascension.

Daniel checked his watch and frowned. Curious, he placed his ear against the door and could hear the faint sound of crying. "Janet," calling out a warning, he pushed his way into her office.

The doctor in question was on the floor with her back against the wall and her knees drawn up to her chest. She had a hand pressed against her mouth as if trying to quiet the sobs she couldn't seem to control.

"Hey." He eased himself between her and the file cabinet before taking her in his arms. She turned her face into his throat and clung to him like her life depended upon it.

Because she knew she was safe with him, Janet let go of all her emotions she'd kept in for the last hour as sobs racked her body.She had tried to ignore the fact that it was Sam on her table; instead, trying to picture some stranger who was bleeding out. Janet knew there was a good possibility the Major might not even pull through the night. It was so hard to remain optimistic."She was trying to tell me her goodbye." Janet felt his hand start to stroke her hair. "I wouldn't let her give up because I sure ashell wasn't ready to let her go."

"Sam is strong," Daniel whispered into the crown of her hair."We all know that."

"We barely recovered from losing you, Daniel. Jack was, God,I thought he was going back into the deep end. If Sam – God I can't even imagine how we can pull him back if we lose her."

"Listen." Daniel cupped her face to thumb away the tears.There was fear in her dark eyes, fear that she was on the verge of losing her best friend. Fear that she would have to explain to Cassie that Sam wasn't going to ever come home again. "We are going to get through this one way or another. And we are going to do it because we have each other. Together we can do it."

"I need to get back."

He shook his head and tucked her head under his chin, "Just stay a bit longer."

Janet let his warmth wash over her and realized that he needed this moment just as much as he did.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Colonel O'Neill," Janet called out and got no response. The man in question was perched on the edge of a chair that he pulled up beside Sam's bed. His elbows rested on his thighs and his chin was perched in between his blood encrusted hands as he watched intently the rise and fall of the Major's chest. The only thing keeping her breathing was a ventilator, due to one of her lungs collapsing. "Colonel, I need to get you cleared and cleaned up."

"I'm fine," he whispered, his voice rough from holding back tears.

"You're covered in blood," Janet pointed out.

"None of it is mine."

"I'll be the judge of that." Janet looked to Daniel for help when Jack didn't budge.

Daniel pulled up another chair beside Jack's. "Jack." He braced himself for a lash out, but wasn't prepared for the tearful look he got from the Colonel. The man's eyes were bloodshot from his attempt to hold back the tears that he so desperately wanted to let out. Daniel had newfound resentment for the military and itsstupid rules. Jack shouldn't have to curb his emotions because it would be frowned upon and possibly hurt not only his career but Sam's as well. "You need to get cleaned up and you're injured. Teal'c and I aren't going anywhere."

"We're just going to be two beds over," Janet assured him and very reluctantly, Jack agreed. She led him down two beds and drew the curtain to give them privacy.

Jack, knowing the drill, was already removing the top half of his blood stained BDUs. Once he was naked from the waist up, he sat down on the edge of the bed. Janet frowned when she approached him with gauze soaked in saline. When she began toclean his wounds, he didn't even flinch. Usually, Jack O'Neill was one of her most troublesome patients. He always had to know what she was using and what it was for. It frightened her that Jack just continued to stare over her shoulder as she cleaned his face of blood.

Janet opened her mouth only to promptly shut it before one word escaped. Jack didn't need someone telling him that Sam was going to make it, especially someone who knew damn well that Sam could slip away at any moment. Janet knew firsthandjust how much Sam meant to Jack and the other way around. She knew it was against regulations, but Janet kept Sam's confidence whenever she needed an ear to talk to about her feelings for her CO. Duty obligated her to report the two all those years ago during the Za'tarc incident, but she had left out their confession of how they felt from her report, as did Teal'c.

"This is going to hurt," Janet warned as she picked up a pair of tweezers. "You've got some shrapnel along your cheek and possibly your head."

Jack barely flinched when the doctor dug out the first piece of shrapnel. Janet dropped it into a metal pan; the ping it made echoed throughout the infirmary. The eerie silence cut Jack's heart in two, "What are her chances?"

Janet faltered for a moment before recovering and pulling another piece of metal from the side of his face. "The night? I'd say 30%. If the toxin of the metal released into her bloodstream then there is the chance that it will turn septic, basically turning into poison, and I don't think her body is strong enough to fight it."

"Doctor Frasier!" Daniel called out moments before the machine that Sam was hooked up to started to scream out in loud beeps.

Shoving past Jack, Janet rushed to Sam's bedside, tearing off her bloody gloves to replace with a fresh pair. Her eyes scanned the screen and her face paled, "I'm going to need help in here. Guys, I need room." Instantly, Daniel and Teal'c abandoned their positions at Sam's side. "Her BP is dropping. Get the paddles ready." Janet started shouting instructions at the nursesheeding her cries for help. "Colonel, you better keep your ass on that bed."

Daniel stopped Jack in his tracks to give the doctor the room she needed to keep Sam alive. "Come on Jack." Though he struggled, Daniel managed to get Jack back to the gurney and sat down with him. Together they watched as Sam flat lined right before their eyes.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hammond rubbed his tired face as he tried to concentrate on the report in front of him. It had been nearly ten hours since SG-1 returned, and the mood around the base was a very solemn one. For possibly the first time, every member of every SG team, well at least those not off world, stayed on base for the night. Hammond had a feeling that none of them were going home until they knew Sam's fate.

At the briefing two hours ago, Janet had reported Sam'schances had dropped since her blood results showed it was septic. She was having trouble stabilizing the Major's BP, which was the cause of respiratory complications, causing her to flat line a total of three times since she was brought through the gate. Jack, who had been patched up and convinced to change, had remained silent through the entire briefing. Hammond frowned at the memory of the Colonel. He had a sickening feeling that if they lost the Major that he was going to lose two officers.

"Sir." Jack knocked on the open door frame to announce his presence.

Glad for the distraction, Hammond looked up from his report. Jack's left side of his face was discolored from the shrapnel and he was favoring his right leg, but showed not an ounce of pain. It was lost in the sea of guilt and sadness. "Come in Colonel."

Jack shut the door behind him before laying a piece of paper on the General's desk.

Hammond frowned as he picked it up. "What is this?"

"My resignation, Sir," Jack informed him, his gaze set behind Hammond and his body at attention.

Hammond shot to his feet, "Excuse me?"

"It's my resignation." Jack repeated, pausing between each word to make sure the message got across. He was in no mood for games of any kind. If he lost Sam then he was gone as well. She was the last shining light in his life. Without her, Jack knew that the darkness was just going to overrun him again. If, by some miracle, Sam pulled through, he was going to stop making excuses. He loved her and if she really loved him back, baggage and all, he'd be damned to just let a set of rules keep them apart.

"Jack." Hammond leaned against the desk praying for patience.He understood where the Colonel was coming from, but Hammond refused to accept the resignation, because to him it was a sign that Jack had lost all hope. "Sam might pull through."

Jack shifted his gaze until it connected with Hammond's, "If she does then it still stands. I've nearly lost her too many times to count. I watched her die. I watched as the life bled out of her." His voice cracked, "I tried for so long to just think of her as justanother solider, and I've done a pretty damn good job at it –until now. I can't ignore what I feel, sir."

Hammond pinched the bridge of his nose, "Just how long –"

"Never," Jack assured him, wanting to make sure that no harm came to Sam's career. "We came to an understanding that nothing can happen because of the regs. That if when it came time for one of us to move up or for me to retire we would see where we stood."

"And you're willing to give this up? The SGC? The team?"

"I love the SGC and what I do, but I love her more. We've had to adjust to a new member before and I have no doubt that we can do it again. Plus we both know that I only have a few years left, if that, of active duty."

"Jack we both know that they won't let you do this. You're too valuable to this command and project. Hell, if it wasn't for you,there would be no Stargate program."

"Then reassign me! Transfer me to Command of the Stargate Training unit! I don't care, just do something!" Jack insistedslamming his hands against the General's desk, "Do something because I don't think I can just pretend like I don't love her anymore. I've watched her die, George, more than once. Hell, it was even by my own hand at one point. You told me to stop listening to my head and start listening to my heart, so I am. She might die without ever knowing how she saved me. Or how much I love her. I'll be damned if she pulls through and we walk through that gate again without her knowing."

Hammond watched the man's shoulders sag as he dropped his head to hide the tears he had been fighting all night. He had gotten the answer that he wanted. "Jack." He moved to place a hand on Jack's shaking shoulder, "Don't give up hope just yet,son. "

"Doc says there isn't much of a chance," Jack whispered the words bitterly. "Any luck getting a hold of Jacob?"

"No, but we're sending out a message every hour," Hammondtried to assure him, before picking up the letter. "Go and sit with her."

so Whatca think?


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to treva for being so long to look at this for me because I know it was horrible and she was so kind to put up with it! So here is the second and final part of my first stargate story!

* * *

Jack wasn't aware he had fallen asleep until someone gave his shoulder a shake. Groggy, he lifted his head from Sam's hospital bed to look around. His first image was of his 2IC to make sure she was still breathing. Sadly, the Major was still hooked up to a half a dozen machines, which meant there had been no change. His gaze shifted again and he blinked. "Jacob?"

"Jack." There was no anger in his voice or resentment. Just nothing but worry and fear for his daughter. "How is she doing?"

"Critical," Jack solemnly replied. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. The Tok'ra gave me the message yesterday." Jacob would never forget the ice that filled his veins at the sound of despair in Hammond's voice when the Tok'ra played the audio message left for him. He immediately abandoned his post, which of course the Tok'ra didn't approve. For once Jacob didn't give a damn. His daughter's life was hanging in the balance so he was sure as hell going to be by her side. "Where is Dr. Frasier?"

Jacob rubbed his tired face. "Most likely trying to get some sleep. She was up with S-Carter." He caught himself but by the tilt of the retired General's head he knew Jacob picked up on it. By now, the man must have picked up on how he felt about his daughter. "All night trying to keep her stable."

Jacob glanced at his daughter, his stomach twisting in knots. The left side of Sam's face and neck was covered in gauze. She had a tube feeding into her mouth, an IV in her hand, electrodes for her vitals going through her gown, and a blood transfusion going into her other arm. Sam had always been a slightly pale person, now she was bone pale with a tinge of blue – the color of death as it slowly crept over her. "Go wake up the Doc and I'll get the healing device from George. When she's better, you tell me what the hell happened."

Ten minutes later, an exhausted Janet stood by her best friend's side studying her vitals. Jack stood anxiously at the foot of her bed while Teal'c and Daniel stood off to the side. They were just as anxious but knew that Jack needed to be as close as possible to Sam. "Her vitals have been steady for a few hours. Her blood pressure and pulse are still low." She looked to Jacob. "She is very weak. There is a possibility this won't work."

Fear vaulted Jack's heart into his throat. "Will it cause her condition to worsen?"

"Honestly I don't know." And there was nothing Janet hated more. After nearly seven years of the Stargate program and dealing with the medical condition from the far reaches of the galaxy she should be use to it. "There is some type of toxin in her blood. I thought it was turning septic, but after I ran some more tests, it's not the case. Whatever shrapnel was in the explosive released some type of substance that seems to react badly with the naquada in her blood."

It was too much medical jargon for Jack's racing mind. He just wanted a simple answer. "What are her chances if we do nothing?"

Janet's face turned grim. "I don't know if she'll make it."

So, either way, they were most likely going to lose Sam. Jack would take the risk, except it wasn't his call. Jacob had to do it. Do nothing and watch her die or take that small chance to help her. He gripped the railing of the bed. "It's your call, Jacob."

"I'm not going to outlive my child." Jacob slipped the device on his hand. He held it over her neckline. The device glowed and whirled, shinning a beam of light engulfing the gauze-covered area. Three seconds in, Sam's vitals went haywire.

"Shut it down!" Jack barked as Janet sprang into action.

"A little more," Jacob suggested.

"Jacob." Daniel and Teal'c pulled the father away from his daughter's bedside. The device winked out and Sam's labored breathing started to even. Her blood pressure and heart rate, on the other hand, was dropping.

Janet called for aid as she fumbled for a syringe in her coat pocket. "I need the room." She pushed the medicine into Sam's IV. "Clear out now!"

Jack hesitated terrified this would be the last time he saw Sam alive. Noticing Jacob resisting, Jack helped his teammates get him out of the room. "C'mon, Jacob."

"Let go, O'Neill." Jacob growled.

"General Carter," Teal'c spoke in his calming voice. "Interfering with Doctor Frasier will not benefit Major Carter in any way. You must let Doctor Frasier do her job."

Jacob stopped fighting the men's hold and paced away in long angry strides. A moment later, he turned around and Selmak spoke. "Jacob is very overwhelmed at the possibility of losing Samantha. I am as well. I have grown quite fond of her."

"She's not dead yet." Jack refused to even allow the thoughts from entering his mind. Life without Sam was just too unimaginable. It wasn't even possible really. "She is strong."

"You care a great deal for her, Colonel O'Neill," Selmak simply stated. "Jacob will not admit it, but he was – oh, how did he put it? Happy his daughter has the affection of a good man."

Jack blinked completely surprised. He figured Jacob would hate the fact his daughter's CO had feelings for her and would beat the life out of him or even kill him because it would jeopardize Sam's career.

"He also knows his daughter cares a great deal about you," Selmak added. "He might have a little trouble accepting it at times."

That sounded more like Jacob. Thankfully, the awkward moment was broken by Janet stepping into the hallway looking completely deflated. "Doc?" He swore he saw tears glistening in her eyes. His knees went weak. Thankfully Daniel moved to catch him before they completely went out on him.

"I don't know what happened," Janet honestly replied. Her voice shook with emotion, "The healing device healed a bit of the shrapnel damage. However, it looks like it caused whatever toxin is in her blood to intensify. I don't know how to stop it and if we don't figure out how to treat it it's going to kill her."

"How long?" Jacob spoke after Selmak gave up control.

"Hours… maybe a day." Janet watched Jack pale at the news. Her tongue felt thick and heavy as if it was full of sand. "Not much more than that."

Daniel turned to Jacob, "Have the Tok'ra heard of any such toxin acting like this with naquada?"

Not that Jacob knew of, but the Tok'ra had a habit of withholding information from him. "No."

"They have something or a way to help her..." Jack desperately demanded, "Right?"

"I need to contact them." Though it pained him a great deal, Jacob took off down the hall.

"Come sit with her." Janet directed, looking to the trio of men. "Talk to her." Say what you need to, just in case," her voice broke.

Tears filled Jack's bloodshot eyes. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't supposed to happen. Yes, with their jobs it was a possibility and something they accepted when they signed up for it. It just wasn't something they talked or thought about. "I can't believe this."

"The healing device did some good," Janet softly informed even though it wasn't great news. "She started to wake before I put her back under to keep her stabilized."

"We can talk to her?" Daniel wondered with tears in his voice.

"Only if there is nothing to be done." Janet wasn't ready to give up on the Major. "She is too unstable if I bring her around. Her blood pressure is more manageable this way."

Would he want to be brought around just to be told he was dying? Jack concluded it would be worse to know death was around the corner. As much as he wanted to tell Sam goodbye, Jack wouldn't put her through the fear of dying. Dying. God… Sam, his Sam, was dying. They had beaten the clock when in this position at least a hundred times before, this time it wasn't going to happen. Jack knew there would be no miracle on their end. Sam's fate was in the Tok'ra's hands. He didn't like it one bit.

Janet watched with a broken heart as the fearless Jack O'Neill crumbled before her. There was such anguish on his face when he looked at Sam. It wasn't fair! Janet wanted to stomp her foot like a four year old. Jack had already lost so much in his life. He didn't deserve to lose the woman he loved on top of that. The doctor knew there was no way he was going to bounce back from this. "Go sit with her, Jack." Janet's voice cracked. She would make sure no one would interrupt them.

Jack nodded and complied.

"I will accompany him." Teal'c left the doctor and the archaeologist alone in the hallway.

Daniel placed a soothing hand on Janet's shoulder. It shook as she tried to hold in her sobs. Not caring they were out in the infirmary hallway, Daniel gathered her close. He felt her fingers curl into his shirt, clinging desperately as if her legs were incapable of bearing her weight. Daniel pressed his face to her ear. The man was struggling to be the strong one. Losing Sam was much more than losing a friend or a comrade. He was losing a sister.

"I have to tell Cassie." Janet hiccupped. "I can't do that. I can't – " She lost the ability to speak and the sobs just took over.

"I'll go get her." This wasn't something to be said over the phone. Plus it would give Cassie the opportunity to say goodbye to Sam. Daniel pulled away to place a gentle kiss on her brow. "Know you did everything you could."

Janet shook her head against his words, "I could have done something more than I could have done. Can do." As a doctor, Janet knew she couldn't save the life of every patient. Janet wasn't thinking like a doctor, she was thinking about losing the closest thing she had to a sister.

He took her face in his hands. "You did everything you could." He knew first hand how hard and how much she put into trying to save a life. "This isn't your fault."

"I'm not ready to let her go."

"I know." None of them were.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

About thirty minutes later, Jacob raced into the infirmary heading straight for Janet. "You said there is nothing humanly possible medical-wise that will help Sam, right?"

"Yes," Janet answered bitterly.

"The Tok'ra believe they have something to help her."

Jack shot to his feet. "Not a symbiote." The last time the Tok'ra tried that it ended up with him being tortured by Ba'al.

"No not that," Jacob assured him the best he could. If it came down to it he was sure it would be an option. "They are far more advanced in medicine and technology."

"Which we could have if the Tok'ra weren't so stingy with things," Jack growled.

"Jack," Daniel warned.

"It's worth a shot," Janet intervened before the Colonel lost it. "Has Hammond approved it?"

"He's putting in the order now."

Jack shoved a hand through his graying hair. "I'll come with." Jack didn't trust the Tok'ra or have much faith in them. Their help always had strings attached.

Jacob frowned. Didn't Jack understand how that would look if he accompanied Sam through the gate? Selmak had spoken the truth when he said that he was glad Sam had a good man's affection, but she still had her career to think about. Until they addressed that issue, Jacob would have an issue with their relationship.

Janet watched Jack's gaze shift to Sam, "I can bring her around for a few minutes."

"I think Sam should know what's going on," Daniel broke in. If Jacob was wrong and the Tok'ra did make her a host, Sam should be aware and make that choice herself.

"Do it."

Janet moved to the machine pumping the sedative into her IV and took out another syringe from her coat pocket. "It's going to take a bit for her to come around. Once she's awake keep it short."

Jack nodded and watched Sam anxiously for any sign of movement. Was this a bad idea? When the tables had been reversed last year, she had begged him to do whatever it took to survive. Now he was asking the same of her. The difference between now and then was the Tok'ra were sure that he could be cured. They were just hoping they had something to help Sam. "Carter," he called out when she began to stir, making his mind focus completely on her. Be brief, he reminded himself. He definitely didn't want to bring out the Napoleon side of the pint-size doctor. Sensing her discomfort, Jack laid a hand on her good cheek, "C'mon Sam open your eyes for me," he coaxed. "You're safe."

It took a few attempts before Sam complied. After a bout of confusion, Sam began to panic upon realizing there was something shoved down her throat.

Jack caught her hand before she could pull it out, "No don't. Sam we don't have much time. I'm not going to lie, it's bad." Her eyes reflected the pain she was feeling. "The Tok'ra are our only hope."

Her eyes whirled.

"Technology. You have a toxin in your blood that the Doc has never seen. She's tried everything and it's just getting worse. It's – " Water filled his eyes and leaked into his voice. "If you don't go, you're not going to make it."

Sam didn't doubt him by the terror on his face. Sam wished she could speak to him. Thankfully, they had developed an ability to communicate without saying a word. They had lots of practice over the years since they never were able to verbalize what they really wanted to say to each other for fear of being over heard. _Scared._

"I know," he replied., "Your dad is here and is going to take you."

_Come._

Jack shook his head, "I can't." He could see that she was not pleased with that answer. "So you got to hang in there, okay."

_So tired._

One single tear slipped down his tired face. He was grateful that the occupants of the room had turned their attention elsewhere. He couldn't remember the last time he cried after Charlie. Even when Daniel ascended, he didn't shed one – just bottled it up like everything else. The possibility that he would have to face life without Samantha Carter was too unbearable to face. "Please fight," he begged. "Fight because I'm not ready to give up. So you go and get better. I'll be here waiting."

"Sir," Janet's soft voice broke up their moment. "I need to sedate her again."

Jack nodded in understanding. "I'll see you when you get back." He didn't leave her side until her eyes reluctantly closed due to the sedative Janet pushed into her IV.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The loud clanking noise of an unscheduled off-world activation jolted Jack from his slumber. Much to his annoyance a piece of paper he had been working on prior to falling asleep was now stuck to his cheek. Growling, he snatched it off and forced his mind work. Once again, he had passed out at his desk. A common occurrence since Sam went through the gate over two weeks ago. The thought of the blonde-headed Major had Jack running toward the control room. A trip he took at least five times every day in hope it was Sam coming home.

Jack bounded up the spiral stair case to the blue light of the worm hole filling the room in shimmers. "Sergeant?"

Walter shook his head in response. He wished he could give Jack the news he wanted. Every time the klaxon blared, Jack was in the control room in thirty seconds flat from god knows where within the base. "I'm sorry colonel." Walter closed the iris since no code came through.

Jack roughly forced his hand through his wiry hair and took to pacing. He couldn't really explain how he knew, but he knew the woman he longed for was on the other side of that wormhole.

"Sir..." Walter sprang straighter in his chair, "receiving the Tok'ra IDC."

"Open the iris!" Jack commanded, already halfway out of the room. "Call Daniel, Teal'c and the Doc." Good thing the trio happened to be on base at the moment. Being out of active rotation created a whole lot of downtime for SG-1, not so much for Janet. Teal'c spent his time training with new recruits while Daniel was wholed up in his office translating anything he could get his hands on to keep his mind busy.

After nearly bowling over Siler, Jack skidded to a hault in front of the ramp and waited.

0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o

On the other side of the wormhole, Sam did the same thing. She wasn't sure what the cause of her hesitation was. Going home was the only thing she wanted to do since regaining consciousness. She just wasn't ready to go like this. The Tok'ra technology had saved her life, drawing out the toxin before it completely consumed her. It just didn't do much for her physical injuries since it took longer than they thought to get rid of the toxin. Her shoulder, still strapped to her side by a make shift sling, would need a few surgeries to repair. If she was lucky, she might regain 70% to 80% of her strength and range of motion. Sam wasn't even going to think about the scars that branded her face, neck, and torso.

"Sammie." Jacob stepped up next to her and frowned when she pulled up the hood of her Tok'ra uniform farther to shadow her face. "Everyone is waiting."

Jack's words rushed back to her as she thought of him. Sam had known, well for sure just once, that he had some feelings for her. He just thought that they had faded. Almost four years had passed since they left it in that god-forsaken room. And while a lot had happened since then, they just never verbally spoke about it. So to hear all those things falling freely from his lips and knowing they were true left her breathless. Did she really invoke those feelings in him just coming in to work? Sam bowed her head, a single tear escaped her clenched eyes. Would it still be the same once he looked at her?

"Sorry," She softly apologized, forcing her shaky legs to move forward. Even after two weeks, her body was still weak. There was still much healing left to do.

Jacob gave her an encouraging smile, "Come on sweetie."

0o00o0o0o0o0o

Jack's heart hammered in his throat when Sam walked through the gate. She was dressed in Tok'ra robes with a hood shielding her face. "Sam." He thought he said it in his head, but by the way Hammond's lip twitched it must have escaped his defense.

Janet raced up the stairs to greet the Major, "Sam." Janet carefully wrapped her arms around her friend. "God I'm so glad you're okay."

Okay to Sam was a relative word. "Didn't go on that camping trip without me did you?"

On a watery laugh, Janet pulled away to see Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel had joined them on the ramp. "Cass and I've been waiting patiently for you to come home." She heard the Colonel make a noise and corrected herself. "Well, we all have and some of us not as patient as others."

Sam felt the first smile in weeks cross her face when Jack helplessly shrugged in a 'who me' gesture. Before she could open her mouth to speak to him, she was swallowed by a round of cheerful hugs and welcome homes. Sam only returned them half-heartedly. She had missed them, she really did, it was just she had been left for two weeks to mull over Jack's words and wanted nothing more than to speak to him.

Jack slipped his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels patiently, well not patiently, waiting for Sam to ascend the rest of the way down the ramp. He wished. God how he wished he could see those blue eyes of hers. The damn hood was shading her face like she was trying to shield him from her. Why he wasn't sure.

"All right Major report to the infirmary," Hammond commanded finally, allowing Sam to breathe. "Debrief in three hours. Jacob, mind coming with me?"

"Of course." Jacob followed the General.

Sam was the last to step off the ramp to finally stand in front of the person she wanted to see the most. Before she could even think of a word to say, his arms shot around her, carefully of course, and trapped her tightly against his lean body. In front of the entire base, Jack O'Neill was hugging her in a way that surpassed commander and subordinate. Sam found that she really didn't care. She curled her good arm around him, her fingers tangling in the whips of his short hair at the back of his neck. All she cared about was that she was in his arms and everything for a moment was right.

She turned her face into Jack's neck, making his breath hitch. After having nightmare after nightmare of watching her die in his arms, feeling her alive was almost too much. "God Sam." He cradled the back of her head and pressed his head into the rough fabric of the hood. He had this big speech planned. Hell, he even practiced it like three times a day. Now, he was speechless. He could only muster the most basic words, "I missed you."

Her eyes burned with tears at the onslaught of emotions he packed into those few words. "I missed you too." She felt him shiver and his grip tighten almost as if he was afraid she would disappear if he let go. "I'm happy to report I followed your orders, sir."

Sir should have been a slap to the face and back into reality since they were in the gate room after all. They way she said it was a term of endearment. A reminder that this was indeed his Carter. "Glad to hear it Carter."

When she felt him draw away, Sam made sure she kept her face slightly turned so he couldn't see her scarred face. When she took a step away from Jack, her vision began to gray.

"Major Carter." Teal'c was the first to reach an arm around her waist to steady her. "Allow me to assist you to the infirmary."

"No." Sam smiled trying to reassure all the worried faces. "I can do it."

Hoping to ease everyone's fears, Janet took Teal'c's position and supported Sam by taking her by the waist. "Ok, Major, on our way." She shot Jack a look when he started to follow. "I'll page you once I'm done with clearing her, Colonel."

Jack rolled back on his heels knowing better than to go against the Doc. "All right."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Seated on the gurney in the infirmary, Sam fiddled mindlessly with the edge of the Tok'ra tunic waiting for Janet to return. She was instructed to change into one of the hospital gowns, only she couldn't bring herself to allow anyone to fully see her. Sam knew there would be no judgment from Janet as both her doctor and friend.

"Ok sweetie." Chart in hand, Janet slipped in through the slit of the privacy current and stopped mid-sentence when she found Sam still dressed with her hood up. "Sam?"

"Yes."

Janet placed the chart on the bed with concern etched on her face. "Honey, what is it?" Was she hiding because Sam was no longer just Sam Carter? Jacob did assure them that a symbiote hadn't been used.

"The Tok'ra concentrated on the toxin in my blood. They barely got to it in time," Sam started but stopped for a moment trying to keep emotions out of her voice. "The physical damage was a lot for them to handle so they did what they could. They said something about me resisting, like I didn't want it to work. Well, not completely."

In a gesture that would make Teal'c proud, Janet raised a brow. "Why?"

"Asking as Doctor Frasier or Janet?"

"Sam."

"Sorry that wasn't fair," Sam muttered. "I nearly died. I should have died." She heard Janet suck in a sharp breath and Sam pressed on. "I have never been so scared in my life. I mean I've had close calls before this, but this time was different. I saw it happening. I saw it in his eyes and I knew there was no escaping it this time."

Janet didn't need to ask who he was.

"The thing was I really wasn't scared for myself. I was scared about all those I was leaving behind." Jack being on the top of that list. He had already lost so much, it wouldn't be fair to put him through that pain again. He barely recovered from losing Daniel. "As I was lying there, I thought of all the things I've done and found there was a lot of regret. I always put duty first. I used it as an excuse to not get the things I truly wanted in life. Even knowing with what I've been through, no one would blame me for stepping down, but I just can't do it."

"But if your injuries prevented you from returning to active duty – "

"Then I can finally get what I want without making the choice." Sam finished feeling like a coward. "Be with who I want. Otherwise, we would do this endless dance without telling each other how we feel and waste time. Time that we don't have. We nearly lost each other how many times and things are still the same."

"He didn't tell you did he?" Janet asked.

"Tell me what?"

"Colonel O'Neill retired."

Sam's head sprang up., "What?"

"Well, tried to really. I think he even yelled at the president when he told him that it wouldn't go through." Janet wished she could see Sam's face to see how she was taking the news. "He watched you flat line twice. He still had your blood on his hands when he marched up to Hammond with his letter of resignation saying the same things you're telling me. Jack told Hammond and the president he wouldn't go through that gate again until he told you how he felt."

"He did?" emotions flooded her voice. Would any of this matter once he saw her scared face.

"He didn't care if they were going to lock him up for insubordination, he wasn't going to budge. I think if the president didn't see the desperation for himself that would have happened. Eventually, the President talked with Hammond and they worked it out."

"He was going to throw his career away for me? I mean, there was a possibility I wouldn't make it."

"Sam, if you weren't coming back we would have lost him too. He loves you," Janet reminded. "He's been a wreck since the moment your father took you through the gate. He hasn't left the base, falls asleep at his desk, and only eats because one of us has forced him to eat."

Sam brought the Colonel's face into her mind. He looked exhausted standing at the bottom of the ramp. He also lost a bit of weight. The dark circles under his eyes were a stark contrast against his pale skin. He had looked happy to see her, yet there was something in his dark eyes. Sam concluded it had to be fear. Fear that she wasn't the same person. Fear that in the span of two weeks she had come to her senses and was going to reject his declaration.

"Doesn't matter now," Sam mumbled, casting her gaze downward. "He can't possibly look at me now and feel the same way."

"Sam, why would you possibly think that?" Even if she had a snake in her head, Janet mused, Jack O'Neill would love Samantha Carter. Hell, after as many alternate realties they had been to, Janet was sure as long as there was a Sam and Jack they were meant to love each other.

Taking a deep breath, Sam pushed the hood off her head and looked at Doc. She had to give Janet credit, she didn't bat an eye at the scarred face. "This."

Janet's eyes tracked over the raised flesh started under her eyes, along her jaw, and down her neck. The scars were circles with jagged edges left by the shards of metal. Janet had been so consumed with saving her life that she hadn't realized how much shrapnel Sam took from the blast. "It's going to take a hell of a lot more then scars to make that man stop loving you."

"Look at me Janet." Sam waved at her face.

"I am!" Janet fired back. "And I see the same Samantha Carter who risked everything so a little girl wouldn't die alone. The same woman who has the brains to blow up a sun." Janet didn't see anything else but her best friend of seven years. "We all have scars, Sam. The Colonel included."

Sam wanted to believe her. "Can we just get this over with? I'm really tired."

0o0o0o0o0o

Unable to wait any longer, Jack strolled into the infirmary to find it empty except for Siler sleeping in the hospital bed at the end of the row. Where the hell was Sam? And why was she avoiding him? "Doc!"

"Colonel keep your voice down," Janet hissed, poking her head out of her office.

Jack glared at her. "You were suppose to call when you were done. Where is Carter?"

Janet perched her hands on her hips and went toe to toe with the man who was a foot taller than her. As always., Jack cowered a little bit. "She was tired so I sent her to her quarters for some rest before the briefing."

"Is that wise?" Jack cautiously asked knowing the woman had a vast amount of needles at her disposal. "She could barely stand."

"She is weak but the infection is gone and her wound nearly healed. From what I've gathered, she's been hooked up to Tok'ra machines, poked, and prodded for two weeks," Janet informed. "I think she deserves some undisturbed rest don't you think?"

"Well yeah." Jack stuffed his hands into the pockets of his BDU pants. Damn the woman and her ability to make him feel two feet tall. "Is she okay?"

"Okay is a relative term, Sir." Janet wouldn't say any more. "Physically, she is on the mend. The infection is gone and her shoulder will take a few surgeries to fix. Some wounds aren't physical."

Something Jack understood pretty well. "Thanks, Doc."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It felt great to be in her normal clothes even if they were BDUs. The Tok'ra get up she had to wear was itchy and too stiff, always making her uncomfortable. Carefully, Sam slid her healing arm into the sling that Janet had given her. The surface wound was healed, there was still a lot of internal damage that needed to be fixed. Sam caught her reflection in the mirror and frowned at the person looking back at her. Her face was hollowed and pale. Her hair was a bit overgrown for her liking so it fell in front of her blue eyes that no longer sparkled with life. It finally happened. After seven years of fighting through hell and its demons, she finally broke. There was nothing left of that wide-eyed Captain that marched into that conference room and challenged her new CO to an arm wrestle.

Thinking of Jack made her heart ache. She didn't care what Janet said, there was no way a man could ever look at her and find her attractive. Maybe she should have accepted the Tok'ra's offer to stay and become a host. She didn't know if she was strong enough to go through the rest of her life with people looking at her with pity, especially Jack.

A knock on the door had Sam jolting and dropping her gaze from the mirror. "Come in."

"Hey Carter." Jack frowned when she tensed at the sound of his voice. Closing the door behind him, he watched her move away keeping her back to him.

"Sir, I thought you were Janet." If she had known it was anyone else, she would have sent them away.

He did like the crisp sound of the word sir. What had changed from the gate room to now? "Carter?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm really tired and would like to get a little rest before the debrief." She shuffled to the bed, cursing when he shifted to block her path. Crap this wasn't good. Why wouldn't he just go away?

"Sam?"

Hearing her first name from him caused her to shiver and a nice warm sensation settled between her breasts. Damn him for having such a hold on her. "Sir, please."

Jack stood his ground and curled a hand under her chin. "Look at me Sam." A tear slipped down her cheek breaking his heart. "Sam."

"Please don't."

"Look at me," he begged. Her gaze still remained down. "My last memory of you is you losing your eyes and not knowing if they were every going to open again. There was so much blood Sam and I couldn't stop it. I watched you slip away twice. So please look at me so I can get those memories out of my head."

Sam wasn't sure if it was the desperation or sorrow in his voice that had her complying. Emotions skittered across his face. Sam waited for what felt like a lifetime and none of those emotions were what she was expecting. Not pity or repulsion. Just relief, love, and to her amazement, the same admiration she'd seen on his face for the last seven years. Her breath caught in her throat, "Jack."

"I was so scared." He brought his other hand to cup the side of her face. His heart broke when he noticed there was no gleam in the blue eyes he loved so much. "I haven't been that scared since Charlie. After losing him, I didn't think anything could come close. Then you were bleeding in my arms and I couldn't do a damn thing. I couldn't lose you. Not when I never told you how much you saved me. I told myself a long time ago that I was okay with leaving it in that stupid room – that I could wait until the greater good was finally able to handle things without us. I can't do that anymore. I don't want to waste any more time. It's why I worked it out with Hammond so we don't."

She tried to look away but his grip kept her from looking away from his penetrating gaze. "You can't –"

"You think this..." His fingertips trailed over the raised skin and on down her neck, feeling her pulse quicken beneath his touch, "would change the way I feel about you?"

At the moment, the Major wasn't doing much thinking. His fingers were leaving a trail of fire across her skin. "How can you stand to look at me?"

He brushed his lips to the scar below her eye. "Because I'm in love with you. I have been for a very long time and its going to take more than this to change that. We've all got scars, Sam. I have my own that you've helped me with."

"I have?"

"Yes, so let me help you with yours. Trust me, I'm not going anywhere." And if he had to spend the rest of his life reminding her every day she was still beautiful then he would.

Eyes shining with tears, Sam grasped the front of his shirt and slammed her mouth to his. She tried to pour everything she was feeling into the moment because her heart was overflowing so that she couldn't put them into words. Was it even normal to love someone so much?

Careful not to jar her shoulder, Jack wrapped his arm around her to hold her in place. Imagining what this would be like was all he thought he would ever have. Of course, they had those kisses during that time loop and the memory stamp, but it was nothing as powerful as this one. Jack slid a hand down her spine, pressing her close so there wasn't a breath between them. He felt her hands clutch helplessly at his shoulder while he deepened the kiss. After carrying around five years of pent up sexual frustration, Jack had to fight the urge to lay Sam on the bed and lose himself in her.

"Sam."

Her face was in his hands again and she felt her heart swell. Her blue eyes opened and focused on him with that light he feared he would never see again. Stroking her face with his callused fingers, she smiled one of those mega watt smiles that lit up her pale face.

He felt a mixture of pride and satisfaction he was the reason for such a dazzling smile. "Are you sure about this?" Jack had to be sure. Sam was young and brilliant. She could do much better than settle for a washed up fly boy like him. "You can do so much better. Be with someone less fucked up then me."

"I love you." There, she said it, and it felt wonderful that it wouldn't cost either one of them their jobs. "I don't care how fucked up you think you are or how you think you're not good enough for me. All that matters is that I love you and I won't go another day without being with you. I would have fought for you, for this, all those years ago."

The corner of the Colonel's lips curved. "Well I did that. There was lots of yelling."

"I did hear that you yelled at the president."

He shrugged, a very Jack O'Neill gesture. "I think there was a threat or two in there."

"Oh Jack you didn't." Sam tried not to laugh. "You could have been locked up."

"What? It was the only way we could be together."

"And what was the outcome?"

"I've been moved to the Academy to train new recruits for the program."

Sam's eyes widened. "You're giving up command? SG-1 – "

"Will get on fine without me," he finished. "We've adjusted before. Plus, I'm getting too old for the front line."

"Not that old." Sam smirked.

"I want to give this a shot and I'm going to do whatever it takes. Who knows, it might not even workout." He rested his brow against hers. "But it's worth a shot."

Sam touched a hand to his face. "Yes, it's worth it."

* * *

So how'd you like it?


End file.
